tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53716647975055047652024-02-20T19:29:21.470-05:00Our IVF StoryWe are on a crazzy journey and it feels darned lonely ! So wanted to reach out to others who u'stand how it is to be in such a situation to share my story and hear yours and support each other in the process.Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-30332092448017369712011-07-07T13:34:00.000-04:002011-07-07T13:34:23.371-04:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>N the pressure builds!</strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So ‘coz I don’t write here very often I always have to wonder about what I last updated and go back and read my post. I’m thinking I would write more often if I had some people well anybody read this space. But then again, my decision to not share the url with anyone…so can’t blame them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As expected nothing useful came out of the follow-up visit with my doc.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So ya, the acupuncture sessions are going on pretty fine. so back in May I went for a session before ovulation. Ended up getting my chums anywez in June(of course! Else I would be screaming from the rooftop!). And now again in June, I had another one. The DH just complete 8 sessions of acupuncture for him and we are ready for a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SA test. Planning on getting that done early next week. Early next week is also when my chums are due. I’m kinda nervous. I really hope this is it for us! Fingers crossed. Hope the Gods above can hear us and answer our prayers. </span></div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-7023543635500145722011-05-23T17:13:00.001-04:002011-05-23T17:13:30.831-04:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Moving On….</strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hmm.. so ya , the 2<sup>nd</sup> ivf cycle failed as well. Honestly, I didn’t see it coming. I won’t say I was confident it would work but I was more than hopeful that it would. All the symptoms for a positive were not there but nor were there very many symptoms for a negative..u know! But yes, got to know on 4/13..a day before the Tamil New Year. So ya, the timing was a bummer, but really is there a ever a “right” time for heartbreaks? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The good news is that we handled it a LOT better. I didn’t have to convince myself that there was a good reason for it…I knew it. I didn’t struggle too much with the million $ question…’will we or won’t we have a baby?’. For no rhyme or reason, I’m feelin more n more confident that there is a baby in our future..it is just about when?!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Its take me so long to update ‘coz firstly I wanted to come to terms with it and then I got busy studying for my PMP certification exam , which I passed by the way. I also had a fabulous 29<sup>th</sup> B’day ! I hate it that the clock is ticking away…but well…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Meanwhile… we are getting acupuncture treatment. Its weekly 1 session for the DH. I need to go for a session just before ovulation, n that’s it. I’m hoping this will help us address the root cause. That this will solve our problem and god-willing we won’t even need another ivf cycle. Fingers n toes crossed!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have a follow-up appointment tomo. Don’t have a big list of Qs or anything. In my mind I don’t expect to have a another cycle at the same hospital. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kay sera sera…</span></div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-32383061572853806062011-04-18T17:39:00.002-04:002011-04-18T17:39:31.744-04:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong>And yet another time…..</strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">On the morning of April 11<sup>th</sup>, when I was 10dp3dt, I decided to POAS. I got a negative, and of course that made me super nervous and anxious. I wished I hadn’t POAS-d. But then, I had God help me with the decision. On 2 small pieces of paper, I wrote down ‘Test’, ‘Don’t Test’ and picked up one chit from our prayer room…. It asked me to test… I couldn’t give up. I just prayed for a beta to work with, even if it was the minimum required i.e 5. I felt like this would be it, this was our month. That everything would fall in place and I would begin my 29<sup>th</sup> B’day as a pregnant woman. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">On the 13<sup>th</sup>, I went early in the am to give blood for my beta. Most of my symptoms had gone away, but yet I felt hopeful. I spent all morning in anxiety. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The RE called us 5 mins to 1 pm to tell me that my beta was 0. Of course I was upset…but not heartbroken like the last time. The bigger prob is the RE doesn’t know why or what? She said,’ everything seemed perfect, mabbe its just bad luck?!’ n that scares me. I alwez get scared when everything looks good ‘coz unless the result is positive, it leaves u with nothing to work with. That’s where we are now.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">But this time…I am not questioning why us. I have handled it a lot better. I told my ma, who had no idea that we were going thru’ another cycle and she just asked me to not lose hope. To give it a break for a while and try on our own. N that’s our decision too. Atleast for a while, we plan to try to conceive like<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a normal couple. Mabbe we’ll get lucky n be the ones to share a miracle? Worst case…after a few months, we may do another cycle in India. Nothing decided for sure yet. For now we’ll take our time and just enjoy making love. I know God has a plan for us. I just pray that we have the strength and courage and faith to let the plan happen.</div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-37315462797268455312011-04-07T10:05:00.000-04:002011-04-07T10:05:13.624-04:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong>The Progress so far</strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Okay I haven’t written much…’coz honestly I haven’t got too much to whine about. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Well the update on my last post is that my meds from ivfmeds reached me about 5 days late, finally! They were a source of tension. But finalllieee, I got them and they let me return the meds that I could not use due to the delay in delivery. So I got some money back. Doesn’t matter all that much anymore. Moral of the lesson is that unless one has lots of time (3-4 weeks) before they need the meds, they shouldn’t order them from ivfmeds.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Then stims went well. Much better than last cycle. So well, that they had to reduce my dosage. I triggered on 3/27 and so 3/28, the DH’s B’day was a needle free day. We had our ER on 3/29 and we got 21 eggs of which 16 were mature.. sooooooooooo much better than last time.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Per our Fert report on day 1 after ER 8 of the 16 fertilized. A li’l concerned ‘coz yet only 50% of the eggs fertilized. N then on day 2 after ER…we had only 5 embabies. One grade D and the rest grade B. Decided it will be a day 3 transfer. So our transfer on 4/1 went very very well (touchwood!). 3 embabies were transferred. N I felt super bloated!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">4/2, Saturday was the cricket world cup finals. 2 friends came over home and they pampered me..Actually the DH and me by cookin awesome B’fast, lunch n dinner for us. The match was super, India Won. The perfect way to spend the day in couch-rest ! I rested very well.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Now..I’m just waiting..and well praying. My body is doing well for the most part. Just keep getting a backache but even that’s become lesser since yester and I hope that’s a good sign! N of course I struggle to button my pants. I have to start exercising soon.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Our 1<sup>st</sup> beta is on 4/13...a day before the Tamil New Year... I hope we get a beautiful start ! Very eager…I feel like everything is going right this time but I’m too scared of being overly optimistic. I bought a 3-pack HPT and may poas on Monday (4/11), 2 days before my beta!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Fingers n toes crossed!</div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-80048566048195493892011-03-20T16:54:00.000-04:002011-03-20T16:54:17.298-04:00<strong>I'm so mad at ivfmeds</strong><br />
<br />
So, I discovered this site, ivfmeds(dot)com when we planned for our 2nd ivf and was thrilled to see that the prices of the meds were a lot lesser than walgreens or freedom pharmacy.I ordered my bravelle and menopur from them. The meds were suppose to have reached me on 3/17 and have not yet reached me. I have had to place last minute order for my meds from walgreens and this has cost me a fortune. I even had to pay extra for overnight shipment. Initially i ordered meds for just 3 days from walgreens and that cost me close to $1000. Looks like my shipment from ivfmeds has gotten lost and i can't have hope of it reaching me anytime soon, so i'm going to have to order my other meds as well from walgreen. Plan to wait till Monday noon and then make the decision.<br />
<br />
I have been calling ivfmeds as the link they provide for tracking has displayed the msg "ur order is being prepared for shipment" since the day they told me it has been dispatched i.e 3/5. The customer support person was insensitive enough to tell me he has no better option than asking me to either cancel this cycle, as even if they resent my meds by speed post..they could do it only on monday and it would be arnd 3/26 by when it will reach me. I am so mad at them! It will almost be time for my ER oin 3/26..what should i do with these meds then? He thinks he is being very kind to me by telling me that i can return their meds if it arrives and they will then refund my money to me. <br />
<br />
I am so upset and have been so stressed. Really think its a waste of energy on such a thing at such a time. I donno how to get my money back from them. We hadn't budgeted for these kinda expenses and you all u'stand how expensive ivf can get when we pay out of pocket for everything. I realllie hope that all this is worth it and this cycle is a success. I want beautiful twins!<br />
<br />
on another note i've started stimming. Shots are goin better this time compared to the 1st cycle...they are not that painful! touchwood...hope the next few weeks fly by !Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-59615559886581073062011-03-03T10:14:00.000-05:002011-03-03T10:14:26.685-05:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Schedule!!!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Woooow! So finally I got the schedule for my 2<sup>nd</sup> ivf. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been on BCP since 2/6 and earlier this week Nicole called me with my schedule</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3/14 : Last BPC </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3/16 : 10 units of lupron in the am and pm</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3/16: Baseline Visit</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3/18 : 2 vials of bravelle and menopur</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3/23 : 1<sup>st</sup> U/S</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3/25 :<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2<sup>nd</sup> U/S</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">ER : weekend of 3/28</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This time around I have been strangely uninvolved and calm. Not getting anxious and impatient like the last time. I am not loggin into the forum much and I guess one of the reasons for that is that I’ve been super super busy at work. Been wanting to write on my blogs though, and I hvn’t found the time. Today I am at home as I’m down with fever and so , seizing the opportunity to update my blog.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hmm..also, we ordered meds thru’ ivfmeds and we are saving over 1000 bucks! How nice is that. Wonder why our nurse didn’t tell us about this option during the 1<sup>st</sup> cycle.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">28<sup>th</sup> is DH’s b’day…I have fingers and toes crossed for it to be a special one..memorable…it will be for sure!</span></div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-45336277656173277032010-12-17T12:11:00.000-05:002010-12-17T12:11:24.589-05:00Getting a glimpse of the future<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">I have this thing for astrologers/psychics...Well, that lot. I don’t take what they say super seriously and let it influence how I live my life but yet I get curious hearing what they have to say. My grand-dad is an astrologer, so obviously there is that influence and then in the past I have come across several people with the talent of being able to look into the future and what they have said has come true for me. In my regular blog I’ve even written about my visit to the cup vision lady, <a href="http://www.mybangalore.com/article/0610/coffee-cup-reading-with-nawal-gani.html">Ms Nawal Gani</a>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">Anyways, so of course, given how clueless and helpless I was feeling after the 1st ivf cycle that failed, I resorted to getting an appointment with a psychic. I had heard about her from a friend and wanted to know what she has to say. In a nutshell, the session was was…hmmm…interesting. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;"> So first she said…if I haven’t already been doing a lot of introspection, reviewing of the past etc... I will be doing so in the near future. She said it’s a good thing and to not stop myself from introspecting.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;"> Next she said I am overly analytical, critical and judgmental of myself n I really should stop that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said I have never been a child and that I should let loose, and not be so serious. I should indulge myself more and be more spontaneous.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">Then she asked me if I’m expecting any kind of change next year. I told her that we are trying to have a baby and are having issues with it and asked if that implied change. She said yes. So we kinda spoke about that at length. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">She said as a mother one has to know how to nurture a child and to be able to do that one should know to nurture themselves. But apparently, I never have. I believe I was born with a lot of baggage and so didn’t nurture myself as a child. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">She told me to remember that there is no good and bad, strictly in that sense. God doesn’t classify things that way. And to realize that there is God in each one of us, he is not external and so I won’t get answers to some of my Qs I have for god ( I had ALWEZ believed that I am going thru this trauma ‘coz I must have committed some sin in the past n keep asking god to give me a hint of what that sin was, so I can apologize for it)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">She told me that in my past life I was a mother of 2 girls. My girls were snatched from me ‘coz they were considered of no value. She said they were killed b’coz of that. n I haven’t yet forgiven the world for that. I yet seek to avenge that. She told me I HAVE to forgive to be able to have a baby of my own. (Is it mere coincidence that since when I was mabbe 13, I have wished to have 2 li’l girls just like my sis and myself?). She said that past life experience is why I have been so serious all my life. That I yet hurt for my 2 girls, In fact, I never stopped hurting for them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">To digress...I don’t know how many of you believe in past lives and reincarnations. For a long time I was very unsure about it, but I got to read <a href="http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=many+masters+many+lives&hl=en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=12939490773033285728">‘Many Masters and Many Lives’</a> by Dr Brian Wess a few years back and that book left a very lasting impression on me. Now, I’m convinced there is past life. I’m scared but curious to discover my past life. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">She said it’s very important for me to stop feeling guilty. It wasn’t my fault that my babies were killed nor is it my fault that I’m not having a baby in this life. It’s taking this much time, only b’coz I have to be prepared for the role. She said she definitely sees a child in my life. I asked her if it’ll happen naturally or medically...She replied “how does it matter”..I had to agree. I’m thankful she said that to me. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">She said to start with being kind and good to myself. She said she sees a window of opportunity, from Feb for 6 months, for the change. I do not believe it blindly. But yet I’m excited and hopeful and looking forward to next year.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">Finally I told her “Everyone says ‘Don’t stress’. How does one not stress? Personally, I have never felt that I have not had fun in my life or not indulged myself or like I have sacrificed a lot. How do I actively nurture myself?” She refereed me to a few links on youtube in response. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, I don’t think she could answer my Q. I guess it has to come from within. Therein is the challenge. I don’t know how to do what I should be doing.. But we’ll give it a short!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;">Looking forward to what is to come.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt;"><strong>Wish all of you a Merry Christmas, a Fabulous 2011 and a great Holiday Season!</strong></span></div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-63549962483673855902010-12-09T17:34:00.000-05:002010-12-09T17:34:58.590-05:00The Never Ending Story!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">12/1/2010</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">For a while I’ve known that I can’t pin down a date when the ivf story, well, our ivf story, began and now I’ve realized that it will probably be hard to call out one date as the end of our ivf story.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Should I consider the beginning as the end of Jan 2010, when we made a random appointment to let our gynec know that we are trying for a baby? She explained the steps about us trying for about 6 months and if we don’t succeed, getting infertility tests etc etc…I cried like a baby at that appointment, enough to shock the hubby and the doc...I guess my heart knew that there was trouble brewing?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is the beginning May 7<sup>th</sup>, when we went to the hospital to have our fertility tests run? Is that why I was so upset and snapping at V for no reason on my b’day. Did I see this coming?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is the beginning, 2 days later, when we got our reports which conveyed what our hearts knew, that we indeed had fertility issues?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or the repeated test that confirmed the issue and so being referred to an ivf-specialist?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or seeing the new doc in June and hearing that our options were: Adoption or ivf or iui.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or when they repeated the tests at the end of Aug?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or when they confirmed that ivf is the best (only?) option for us in September?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or when I started the meds towards end of sep. with waits every now n then. With Nov being the most torturous month…endless injections up until Nov 16<sup>th</sup>, which was the date of retrieval. Followed by:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bad news on the 17<sup>th:</sup> We were told that only 6 of our 12 follicles yielded mature eggs and Only 3 of the 6 eggs fertilized</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nov 18<sup>th</sup>, more bad news: Only 2 of the 3 embryos survived, Grade D, didn’t look like we could expect a transfer. We are heart-broken.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nov 19<sup>th</sup>…Feels like a miracle has occurred: 1 embryo survives. We transfer it into me.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dreaded wait. I don’t feel any symptoms except very occasional pain in the pelvic area, back & thighs and constant red blood spotting.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nov 27<sup>th</sup>: 1<sup>st</sup> HPT @ 9dp3dt – negative result</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dec 1<sup>st</sup>: Beta, Negative result confirmed.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">N of course, at this point…we realize there is no end to this. That one can never be sure of the baby one has been hoping for until we get to hold him/her in our arms. N even then there’ll be the fear for him/her to be fine, to have no health issues. It’s going to be hard for us to be like one of the regular couples who enjoy and celebrate pregnancy. God knows when we will get pregnant and if it will stay for 40 weeks.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">It scares me. Never, not in my worst nightmares, had I imagined that we would go thru this, n that too more than once. Guess, no one prepares for such stuff.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">I’ve always believed that Everything Happens for the Best and for a good reason. I’m finding it hard to continue to have faith in such a belief. What possible good can come of this?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">Last night I watched ‘Cnn heroes” hoping that it’ll remind me that I have plenty to be thankful for... But no, that thought didn’t occur to me… my thought was/is “what’s God thinking?”...Why does he trouble some people so much? Whereas people who have obviously wronged (I’m not saying I haven’t wronged…I just feel I and certain others haven’t wronged enough to be punished to the extent that we are) get away leading a great life, having a beautiful family, committing their sins and asking for forgivance(I know that’s not a word) only to commit the same sins again.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel it’s unfair that so many irresponsible people across the world end up having babies, when they don’t even know how to take care of the li’l one. But we and couples like us, have to struggle so much. I mean why should God make us go thru’ this. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">My ma has been onboard with all that’s happening so far. But I feel it’s unfair to put her thru’ this. Even though she is performing her role wonderfully and being such a source of encouragement for us and not sounding the least bit worried, at the end of the day she is a ma…she must be so concerned. To hear me sob on the phone must break her heart. So I guess I should stop telling her. It’s just that this journey is so lonely, with no one talk to, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>no one to share your feelings with, no one to offer you kind words of encouragement and moral support. No one to tell you why you should hang on. But I should not make my parents go thru’ this, they don’t deserve this.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve been thinking it if would be easier to ask God to take us away, instead of having to go thru this struggle.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">God knows what’s in store for us. I feel silly to yet have hope, but I figure there is nothing else to hold on to at this point.</div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5371664797505504765.post-28985626202571427592010-12-07T15:49:00.000-05:002010-12-07T15:49:49.123-05:00To My Unborn Child<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">5/20/10</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Hmm I’m sure your thinking how crazy your ma must have been (and continues to be?) to write a note to a child that wasn’t even conceived yet, forget being born.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Well I hope that one day you get to read this letter and I’m able to laugh at everything that I cry about today and shake my head in disbelief that I thot this agony wasn’t something that I or your dad could live thru’.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">So what’s all the fuss about? You wonder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well dear your taking forever to come. I don’t even know if you will come at this point and that is breaking my heart.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">I want to let you know that Pa n I love you. Yes, the unborn you. We have craved for you and want you so badly that whoever you are and whatever you do, I’m sure we will love you. We may disagree and fight over certain choices you make in life, but all that is ‘coz we love you and want the best for you. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">So darling, why are you taking forever to come to us? Is it ‘coz you don’t yet think that we will make good parents? Is it ‘coz you don’t think you’ll feel secure in my womb? Actually mabbe I know why…its coz I am so particular that I want a girl? Correct? </div>Me..http://www.blogger.com/profile/06061605784221515753noreply@blogger.com0