And yet another time…..

On the morning of April 11^th, when I was 10dp3dt, I decided to POAS. I got a negative, and of course that made me super nervous and anxious. I wished I hadn’t POAS-d. But then, I had God help me with the decision. On 2 small pieces of paper, I wrote down ‘Test’, ‘Don’t Test’ and picked up one chit from our prayer room…. It asked me to test… I couldn’t give up. I just prayed for a beta to work with, even if it was the minimum required i.e 5. I felt like this would be it, this was our month. That everything would fall in place and I would begin my 29^th B’day as a pregnant woman.

On the 13^th, I went early in the am to give blood for my beta. Most of my symptoms had gone away, but yet I felt hopeful. I spent all morning in anxiety.  The RE called us 5 mins to 1 pm to tell me that my beta was 0. Of course I was upset…but not heartbroken like the last time. The bigger prob is the RE doesn’t know why or what? She said,’ everything seemed perfect, mabbe its just bad luck?!’ n that scares me. I alwez get scared when everything looks good ‘coz unless the result is positive, it leaves u with nothing to work with. That’s where we are now.

But this time…I am not questioning why us. I have handled it a lot better. I told my ma, who had no idea that we were going thru’ another cycle and she just asked me to not lose hope. To give it a break for a while and try on our own. N that’s our decision too. Atleast for a while, we plan to try to conceive like  a normal couple. Mabbe we’ll get lucky n be the ones to share a miracle? Worst case…after a few months, we may do another cycle in India. Nothing decided for sure yet. For now we’ll take our time and just enjoy making love. I know God has a plan for us. I just pray that we have the strength and courage and faith to let the plan happen.