And yet another time…..

On the morning of April 11^th, when I was 10dp3dt, I decided to POAS. I got a negative, and of course that made me super nervous and anxious. I wished I hadn’t POAS-d. But then, I had God help me with the decision. On 2 small pieces of paper, I wrote down ‘Test’, ‘Don’t Test’ and picked up one chit from our prayer room…. It asked me to test… I couldn’t give up. I just prayed for a beta to work with, even if it was the minimum required i.e 5. I felt like this would be it, this was our month. That everything would fall in place and I would begin my 29^th B’day as a pregnant woman.

On the 13^th, I went early in the am to give blood for my beta. Most of my symptoms had gone away, but yet I felt hopeful. I spent all morning in anxiety.  The RE called us 5 mins to 1 pm to tell me that my beta was 0. Of course I was upset…but not heartbroken like the last time. The bigger prob is the RE doesn’t know why or what? She said,’ everything seemed perfect, mabbe its just bad luck?!’ n that scares me. I alwez get scared when everything looks good ‘coz unless the result is positive, it leaves u with nothing to work with. That’s where we are now.

But this time…I am not questioning why us. I have handled it a lot better. I told my ma, who had no idea that we were going thru’ another cycle and she just asked me to not lose hope. To give it a break for a while and try on our own. N that’s our decision too. Atleast for a while, we plan to try to conceive like  a normal couple. Mabbe we’ll get lucky n be the ones to share a miracle? Worst case…after a few months, we may do another cycle in India. Nothing decided for sure yet. For now we’ll take our time and just enjoy making love. I know God has a plan for us. I just pray that we have the strength and courage and faith to let the plan happen.

The Progress so far

Okay I haven’t written much…’coz honestly I haven’t got too much to whine about.

Well the update on my last post is that my meds from ivfmeds reached me about 5 days late, finally! They were a source of tension. But finalllieee, I got them and they let me return the meds that I could not use due to the delay in delivery. So I got some money back. Doesn’t matter all that much anymore. Moral of the lesson is that unless one has lots of time (3-4 weeks) before they need the meds, they shouldn’t order them from ivfmeds.

Then stims went well. Much better than last cycle. So well, that they had to reduce my dosage. I triggered on 3/27 and so 3/28, the DH’s B’day was a needle free day. We had our ER on 3/29 and we got 21 eggs of which 16 were mature.. sooooooooooo much better than last time.

Per our Fert report on day 1 after ER 8 of the 16 fertilized. A li’l concerned ‘coz yet only 50% of the eggs fertilized. N then on day 2 after ER…we had only 5 embabies. One grade D and the rest grade B. Decided it will be a day 3 transfer. So our transfer on 4/1 went very very well (touchwood!). 3 embabies were transferred. N I felt super bloated!

4/2, Saturday was the cricket world cup finals. 2 friends came over home and they pampered me..Actually the DH and me by cookin awesome B’fast, lunch n dinner for us. The match was super, India Won. The perfect way to spend the day in couch-rest ! I rested very well.

Now..I’m just waiting..and well praying. My body is doing well for the most part. Just keep getting a backache but even that’s become lesser since yester and I hope that’s a good sign! N of course I struggle to button my pants. I have to start exercising soon.

Our 1^st beta is on 4/13...a day before the Tamil New Year... I hope we get a beautiful start ! Very eager…I feel like everything is going right this time but I’m too scared of being overly optimistic. I bought a 3-pack HPT and may poas on Monday (4/11), 2 days before my beta!

Fingers n toes crossed!