I have this thing for astrologers/psychics...Well, that lot. I don’t take what they say super seriously and let it influence how I live my life but yet I get curious hearing what they have to say. My grand-dad is an astrologer, so obviously there is that influence and then in the past I have come across several people with the talent of being able to look into the future and what they have said has come true for me. In my regular blog I’ve even written about my visit to the cup vision lady, Ms Nawal Gani.
Anyways, so of course, given how clueless and helpless I was feeling after the 1st ivf cycle that failed, I resorted to getting an appointment with a psychic. I had heard about her from a friend and wanted to know what she has to say. In a nutshell, the session was was…hmmm…interesting.
So first she said…if I haven’t already been doing a lot of introspection, reviewing of the past etc... I will be doing so in the near future. She said it’s a good thing and to not stop myself from introspecting.
Next she said I am overly analytical, critical and judgmental of myself n I really should stop that. She said I have never been a child and that I should let loose, and not be so serious. I should indulge myself more and be more spontaneous.
Then she asked me if I’m expecting any kind of change next year. I told her that we are trying to have a baby and are having issues with it and asked if that implied change. She said yes. So we kinda spoke about that at length.
She said as a mother one has to know how to nurture a child and to be able to do that one should know to nurture themselves. But apparently, I never have. I believe I was born with a lot of baggage and so didn’t nurture myself as a child.
She told me to remember that there is no good and bad, strictly in that sense. God doesn’t classify things that way. And to realize that there is God in each one of us, he is not external and so I won’t get answers to some of my Qs I have for god ( I had ALWEZ believed that I am going thru this trauma ‘coz I must have committed some sin in the past n keep asking god to give me a hint of what that sin was, so I can apologize for it)
She told me that in my past life I was a mother of 2 girls. My girls were snatched from me ‘coz they were considered of no value. She said they were killed b’coz of that. n I haven’t yet forgiven the world for that. I yet seek to avenge that. She told me I HAVE to forgive to be able to have a baby of my own. (Is it mere coincidence that since when I was mabbe 13, I have wished to have 2 li’l girls just like my sis and myself?). She said that past life experience is why I have been so serious all my life. That I yet hurt for my 2 girls, In fact, I never stopped hurting for them.
To digress...I don’t know how many of you believe in past lives and reincarnations. For a long time I was very unsure about it, but I got to read ‘Many Masters and Many Lives’ by Dr Brian Wess a few years back and that book left a very lasting impression on me. Now, I’m convinced there is past life. I’m scared but curious to discover my past life.
She said it’s very important for me to stop feeling guilty. It wasn’t my fault that my babies were killed nor is it my fault that I’m not having a baby in this life. It’s taking this much time, only b’coz I have to be prepared for the role. She said she definitely sees a child in my life. I asked her if it’ll happen naturally or medically...She replied “how does it matter”..I had to agree. I’m thankful she said that to me.
She said to start with being kind and good to myself. She said she sees a window of opportunity, from Feb for 6 months, for the change. I do not believe it blindly. But yet I’m excited and hopeful and looking forward to next year.
Finally I told her “Everyone says ‘Don’t stress’. How does one not stress? Personally, I have never felt that I have not had fun in my life or not indulged myself or like I have sacrificed a lot. How do I actively nurture myself?” She refereed me to a few links on youtube in response.
Honestly, I don’t think she could answer my Q. I guess it has to come from within. Therein is the challenge. I don’t know how to do what I should be doing.. But we’ll give it a short!
Looking forward to what is to come.
Wish all of you a Merry Christmas, a Fabulous 2011 and a great Holiday Season!
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